Well this is alive for me right now

The thing about ego, building self confidence with people’s praise and the idea of recognition might be the root of evil in me. True love is something that grows beyond that and which is executed and nurtured even when no one’s looking, can I get there? ever? I don’t know but the max I can do right now is try, as they say ‘Journey is the reward’ .

May be along the way I’ll start seeing it all, right now I’m holding a possibility that , all I’m doing might just be for the praise I want, along the way I’ll realise if it’s true, but right now I want to be present to the idea that this is what I’m doing, may be the idea of doing things for praise isn’t bad, but expecting that I’ll be praised for doing something is, right now the only thing I’m sure about that I do without actively looking for praise is “Meals on Wheels”. I sometimes feel even the job that I do is for recognition, sometimes out of fear, and few times out of the pure feeling and the bigger purpose of it, can I look at that in more depth? Well, may be yes.

I want to keep coming back to this question again and again and see what thought process emerges, I do not have quick fix solution right now, but coming back to this question, looks like a way.

One thing that keeps me going is that, “My journey has been good so far, I’ve come a long way and I’m confident that I’ll reach there, I’ll find what I seek for, life has been fair with me, things have gone well so far and they’ll turn good in future too”

Thank you all :) :)